


stay with me past the sunrise

by queerfawn



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Borderline Personality Disorder, CSA, Child Abuse, Fluff, Kisses, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Self Harm, Sexual Abuse, Underage Drinking, angsty teenagers, so many kisses this is really gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-14 02:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7147640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerfawn/pseuds/queerfawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never noticed the sharp intake of breath, or the longing look in the other boys eyes. How Alex would pray for a touch more than friendly and three words more than platonic.</p>
<p>But to be fair Alex never knew the nights John refused to sleep, staring at him with tears in his eyes and a wish for a better future. He didn't know of the nights John remembered his beatings. Remembered being told his existence was a sin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stay with me past the sunrise

**Author's Note:**

> So?? This is kinda in sufferverse with my 'redefining bravery' series but it's a high school AU and whatnot so I didn't wanna put it in there. Idk. Enjoy?

Back then they were just John and Alex. Best friends, brothers in arms.

Spring of senior year it was a simple conversation with a cashier that changed them. They walked in to buy some chips and a drink. Doritos and a Coke for both. Their other friends liked to mock them about their similarities. Say they were twins, separated at birth.

"How are you kids doing? Excited for summer?" The cashier asked with a polite smile.

"Yeah!" John said with an excited nod, throwing an arm around Alex's shoulders.

He never noticed the sharp intake of breath, or the longing look in the other boys eyes. How Alex would pray for a touch more than friendly and three words more than platonic.

But to be fair Alex never knew the nights John refused to sleep, staring at him with tears in his eyes and a wish for a better future. He didn't know of the nights John remembered his beatings. Remembered being told his existence was a sin.

"We're going to live like kings over our own little kingdom," Alexander said with a smile. "How about you? What are your doing this summer?"

The cashier chuckled as he put their purchases into a plastic bag and handed it over. "Once you get old summer is just another season. Hotter and filed with work. Watching kids like you living their carefree lives. But I'm just old and pessimistic. You kids have a nice day."

The look the two boys shared was one of terror, of realization. They went home and stole their parents vodka.

The cashier watched them that summer. Watched them come in with alcohol on their breath and the air of someone who knew the end was coming much too fast.

The night they came in with eyes puffy from crying and fake ID's to buy cigarettes and all of the alcohol they could cary was the worst.

That had been the day Alex was diagnosed with his personality disorder. The day John noticed the delicate patchwork of cuts appearing on his arms and stomach and thighs. They sat on the roof of Alex's apartment building that night and smoked and drank and wept openly.

"I'll do it," Alex said suddenly, standing up and walking to the very edge of the roof. "I'll jump! Why didn't I think of this before." His eyes were crazed and the wind whipped his hair into his face as he looked back at John with a grin. "Will you go with me?"

John was at Alexander's side in a moment, holding his wrist tightly, heart in his throat. "I don't know."

"You should. John, I can't make it. I can't live in the world we're crossing into," Alex sounded utterly desperate and destroyed.

"Then don't," John said softly. "Let's make our own world- a better world."

Alex paused, starting at his friend with an odd expression. "Why does he beat you?"

"What?" Asked John, shocked.

"Your father. I see the bruises every few weeks. I'm not stupid John," Alexander spoke softly.

"It's... Not important. Why do you slice your skin open?"

"Don't change the subject," Alex said, suddenly fierce. "Answer the question."

"You." His voice wasn't even a whisper.

"What? Me?"

"Yes, you!" John replied, exasperated. "Because I'm gay, Alexander. Because I love you," His voice was filled with self loathing. Why couldn't he be straight like Alex and the rest of their friends? Why couldn't he just be normal?

"John..." Alex said quietly, trailing off and unsure of what to say.

"Don't lie. Go on and say you don't want a disgusting fag for a friend," John's expression was hard as he dropped Alexander's wrist and stepped away from the edge of the roof. "I'll leave if you promise to go home and stay home. I don't want you dead."

He stared dumbfounded after the other boy for a moment before following him away from the edge. "You're an idiot," Alex muttered before grabbing John's face and pulling him into a kiss.

He gasped lightly before leaning into it, clumsy and awkward and overwhelmed. It was a blur of teeth and tongue and needy hands and then John was laying on the roof underneath Alex and his lips where on his neck and he was letting out these needy gasps as his hands wound through Alex's hair.

"Should... Stop," John gasped, the words nearly causing him physical pain. God knew he didn't want to.

Alexander had rolled off of him and was sitting up a few feet away from John, hair mussed and lips swollen. "Oh god, I'm sorry. You didn't want that did you? Oh god John I'm so sorry. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What if I left hickies? What if your dad sees? Oh god, please don't get mad, please don't hit me."

John stared at him, mouth slack for a moment. He didn't understand how his best friend always got things like this so horribly wrong. He wanted Alexander. Even with the other things his father did to him in the dead of night, in the dark of his room he knew so well. And Alex was still rambling so he lunged at the other boy and kissed him again to make him shut up. Of course also because he wanted to, but, it was certainly nice having a relief from the panicked chatter.

"Thats not it," John said softly, placing soothing kisses over Alex's jaw and down his throat. "Wanna talk."

Alexander was breathing heavily. "Can we be boyfriends? We're going to college soon, don't have to worry about your dad anymore," He sounded nervous, afraid of rejection.

John smiled against the other boys skin. "Yes. You must've read my mind. More to the point than I would've been."

Alex chuckled, a blush spreading across his face. "Can we keep kissing?"

"Please."

**Author's Note:**

> Did y'all catch the Spring Awakening reference? I wanna touch more on John's past in my series I think. Comment and tell me what you think?


End file.
